When I first got to college, I thought  I was a pretty smart and witty guy;  tough, but sophisticated  and worldly.

Then I met Ellen.

I think I’ve spent a lot of the last 30 years trying to bring myself even close to her level.

After St. Louis, I moved to San Francisco for seven years.  By the time I moved back to New York, I thought I was doing pretty well with my life and career.

Then I met up with Ellen again.

When I left San Francisco, because of the music business, I knew that I had to move to either L.A. or New York.  I now recall quite clearly that she was the main reason that I returned to New York and not L.A.  Oh god, thank you Ellen.

At the time, people would ask me about my choice and I’d tell them, 
“Well, I knew it was either L.A. or New York, but all my friends are really in New York.”

What I really meant was that Ellen was in New York.

I knew that wherever she was, I had family.  And I was always so proud of that family.  When I spoke of her  to other people, it was always, “Well, I have this really dear friend, she’s great, she’s made her own way and become a very successful producer and writer, she’s so smart and capable, I could start a business with her someday.  Yeah, she’s a really close friend…”

I was so proud that I wanted to let everyone know that Ellen was my really, really close friend.

I still am proud.

Ellen, I have to thank you for something else. Besides saving me from L.A., and  being my anchor here, and  someone I could brag about, you also gave me my first really big gig in New York, scoring a show.  Those of you who know a musician’s life know how important that is.  I have to say, though, the idea of not doing the job very well was nothing in comparison to the thought of not being up to Ellen’s standards and belief in me.

Ellen, thank you for that belief.  I remember actually crying, in relief, after the job was successful, because now I knew that I could run the race, that I would be o.k. in New York.  Some of you who know me might think, “Yeah, right. All Bob needs is more self-confidence.”   But Ellen knew. She knew a lot of things.

Ellen, thank you for also telling me;

-Which blocks were safe to walk after dark (the good old days on the upper west side)
-Where to get bagel at 2 am. Good bagel.
-Insisting that, no, I really shouldn’t tip the guy so well because the service was really lousy. I think indignant is the proper word.

And thank you for setting such high standards for us;
as a friend, a professional, a  parent, and as a most amazingly vital and involved human being.

You leave us with so much. We love you Ellen.

© 2002 Richard H. Fox